I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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