Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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