it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
