i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize