so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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