question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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