I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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