Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
