i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
