I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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