OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
