can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
