i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
