He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
