Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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