I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
