I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
