Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
