you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's shark week go big or go home
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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