Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
