My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
