I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
