I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
