how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
