No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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