I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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