Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
