we have officially lost it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
