'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
