The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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