Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
