just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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