Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
