I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
