I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
