it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
