I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
