Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
