Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
