It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
