he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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