I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
