"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
