I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
