Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
