She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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