At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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