Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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