Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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