is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
