I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This house was built for laser tag.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
