she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
