he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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