His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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