He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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