All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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