take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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