I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
