I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
