I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize