oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
