Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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