a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
