apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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