What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
