...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
