so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
